As I have been on illness induced house arrest for most the winter, I have to find value and goals in something. Here are some Photo-shopped Star Wars Themed Drift Cars.
Pignose Ferrari F12
This winter has seen an a lot of bed rest and cabin fever. 3 new doctors, 2 new medications, 1 surgery. No exercise on the bike for months, no sunlight, and way too much predisone to keep a healthy mind. The struggle wouldn’t be that bad if last summer I didn’t over extend myself so hard and try to do so many things passed my actual ability, it probably had a lot to do with the feeling of worthlessness I got as my self esteem slowly eroded over the last 5 years. I think 2014 I had to prove to myself, that even with my chronic illness I am still of worth. It is a very weird journey to go from a healthy working 20 year old, to a disabled 25 year old. Immense mental effort is put in just to keep from falling apart or opting out of this life. I put in so much effort last summer mentally, then used it to fuel me physically. Thing is, just like a energy drink, you can only trick your body and reality for so long until you crash, and boy have I crashed.
I think this winters mental challenges of accepting my body and its limitation, while still not giving up has become a positive as I now can see how throwing my body at everything and not caring about money, time, health risks ,or pain was just to cover up my own depression and low self esteem, I hope to continue enjoying as much as I can and doing what is possible but it might be a little better if I act a bit more responsible.